i miss you-

YSaturday, April 05, 2008

ohwells... i've cried multiple times today.. 1st time when my dad was talking to mr liu and second time while my dad was talking to mr teo.. well, i can't stand to hear teachers talking about me actually.. i'd just break down, even if the teacher is not berating me.. and it's not the first time i broke down because a teacher talked about me.. it happened in primary school before and i just broke down. whatever.. i'm a crybaby.. plus, i just cannot take failure.. like, come on? my first encounter with failure in academics was when i was in sec 2.. that's a bit late for me to get adjusted to failing. perhaps, if i've met with failure since young or more often when i was young, i'd not have such adverse reactions to it and would have taken failures in my stride.. i've never ever scored below 38.5/50 for tests and my lowest for any subject in an examination was a 84/100(overall). and even back then, i was crying when i got 38.5/50 for tests, 84/100 for the subject in my exams and when i didn't make it to the top 10 in class.. well, i guess living in a "perfect world" for 13 years, the word "failure" didn't exist until i was in sec 2.. it's only been 2 years since i've encountered failures and i'm still not used to them.. ok, i've to admit that i'm slow when it comes to adjusting.. i don't like change, unless it's for good or it's a change which abolishes what i dislike and implementing something that i advocate.. and i'm "investing" what free time i have on thu with mr teo.. so that he can try to help me in my physics. i just feel... insecure without my notes i guess.. so i constantly second-guess and doubt myself.. which is why i don't do well in my physics tests and exams.. i've been getting this inferiority complex thingy since i entered rv i guess.. grrr.. i hate myself. why do i always hesitate before i do anything? it's supposed to be good isn't it? as in, well, i look before i leap, i think of the consequences before i act.. but i guess i've been hesitating too much.. to the extent that i self-doubt.. even when i'm in choir.. i seriously hate it.. but i cannot stop myself.. hais.. shall try making another blogskin before i pia EoM..am i so unworthy of your love?

missing you- 4:46 pm