i miss you-

YWednesday, March 19, 2008

Sigh.. I'm a failure at eveything.. Yes, everything.. I failed to be a gd student and most importantly, i failed to be a gd sister.. *sighs*

Got back progress report today.. Guess what's my gpa, people.. My lowest ever.. i got every possible grade except A2 n F9 although i'm taking 9 subjects(because french not counted until EoY, A maths + E maths= 1 subject) so that means 1 subject to 1 grade.. A1=4, ... F9=0; find the average of the total points i scored people, and you will know how much i got.. xP So freaking lousy.. I just suck totally lar.. Like i said in my previous post, i should not even be in rv in the 1st place.. I don't know why I'm there.. I'm really afraid that they would make me go back to sec 3.. If i really have to be retained, I'd rather leave the school and go elsewhere.. even if it's some lousy school? hais.. gpa 3.0 ain't that easy to achieve.. only about 6 people in my class managed it. Oh ya, let me tell you a funny thing, people.. Mr Teo and Mr Liu contradicted each other..

Mr Teo: Charlene is able to understand the Physics concepts during the lessons but tends to be too nervous during assessment, resulting in getting unsatisfactory grades. She probably needs to revise her learning strategies in order to achieve higher grades.

Mr Liu: Charlene is a studious and hardworking girl who is gradually becoming more confident in class. She volunteers answers readily and has also developed good exam strategies which have helped her improve her grades so lols...

ok.. next, to my sister.. *sighs deeply* i really feel very helpless.. i wanna help her but i don't know how to help because she won't even tell me.. She rarely tells me.. Sometimes, i don't even know she's experiencing problems when i shld have known(by right).. everytime i come home, i see her sitting in front of the computer, playing audi, chatting msn messenger, blogging whereas i come home feeling deadbeat, eat, bathe, do homework, finish homework then go sleep le.. and i come home late everyday, not because i don't go home straight after school and go hang out with friends but because of my packed timetable.. if i can sleep at 11pm, very good le.. i hardly have the time to interact with her.. worst, I'd most probably understand her because 1) i'm around her age, no generation gap 2) i'm a girl as well, easier to communicate to. my mum and dad probably won't understand how she's feeling as well so i think she doesn't see the point of talking to them so i feel really bad and guilty cuz i'm nt doing anything to help her.. well, i actually share the same feelings as my sister.. I HATE HOME too!!! it's just that, well i don't say it out loud in front of them.. yes people, i'm not as obedient as most of you think.. you guys can call me a hypocrite, whatever. I don't care.. but it's meant to be a white lie? my sister is already causing enough problems for my parents and i don't wanna add on to their troubles and burden? If i did any of the stuffs my sister did, my parents would have felt that it was 世界末日。moreover, i have to maintain this image of being an "obedient and hardworking" girl at my mother's side.. and i'm supposed to "set a good example" for all my siblings and maternal cousins to emulate.. I'm serously very stressed. it's not easy to keep up this image.. my real self is struggling with this false angelic image and i don't know how long more i can withstand before i crumble.. ohwells..

P.S.: you'll know when i crumble.. because you won't see me anymore yea? bye

missing you- 8:41 pm