i miss you-

YMonday, March 31, 2008

am i suffeing from depression or something? why do people keep claiming that i look sad but i don't feel that way? today my dad asked me if i was alright and i told him yes. he didn't really believe me and even asked me if i am sure and did spmething happen.. lols.. i'm just.. feeling very tired lar.. so people, if you see me looking sad, most probably i'm not.. and don't worry, i'm not feeling suicidal at the moment.. :] hais.. hsk is in 2 weeks time, which means i camnot go for cip.. sorry jingyuan.. and i've been missing french lessons le and i haven even done any of the homework.. hais.. it's not that i'm feeling lazy but i just feel so tired, like my legs will give way and i'd fall any moment.. zzz.. i know it's early but i'm going to sleep le.. bbyes

missing you- 6:57 pm

YSunday, March 30, 2008

hi! i didn't post yesterday.. hehe.. changed blogskin again.. another of my creation!!! i think it's much nicer than the previous one.. well, i do love bright colours!!! pls rate (the previous one)xD click here to preview! it'd even be better if u all downloaded it.. hehe xP

went to the columbarium today to pray for my late grandfather.. wah, traffic jam like mad.. journey should only take like 15-20min.. in the end, we took 2+h to reach.. crazy.. and my butt was hurting after sitting in the car for so long.. zzz.. the only time i sit so long in the vehicle is when i'm on a coach ride to malaysia or going on vacation in malaysia with my family can? all the inactivity in the car.. zzz.. hais.. ohwells,, better go pia homework.. then maybe i go play audi awhile after that.. haha.. studying bio now.. x/ i cannot remember a single thing about the eye!!! argh!!! ok, that's exaggerating.. i confuse myself between the 2 scenarios.. lols.. hmm.. better go now... bbyes

missing you- 12:24 pm

YFriday, March 28, 2008

damn sian tdy.. don't know why.. yanpeng n siwei claimed that i looked angry.. zhiying thought i was depressed and crying.. lols.. i'm just, wells, tired and sick of life? zzz... life sucks (as quoted fr garyim xP) life is meaningless.. i don't see the point of living? life passes quickly, day in day out.. everyday i feel like i'm rushing but i don't know where and what i'm rushing to? i feel like some hyperactive child, running for god knows what reason and just continue running even though i'm tired out.. i run and run and run, but i don't seem to be achieving anything or reaching an end point.. i'm sick and tired of all this rushing and running about like some mad person.. or maybe i should say i feel like a dog chasing after its own tail? hais.. 24h a day is definitely not enough for me.. the day's too short.. and i don't even have time to practise my scores.. yups, rvchorale, your current-and-gonna-step-down student conductor doesn't practise her scores ever since last year. fortunately, she has quite a good memory when it comes to scores and can memorise parts of it after singing it for a few times, even if it's the 1st time i'm learning the score.xP and my dad claims i'm spending too much time on choir? that's so lols.. if he said that last time. i really have nothing to say, because i put choir before studies.. yups, so it does show you my attitude towards studies as compared to singing.. i used to prac choir scores at home everyday, bring my choir file to school faithfully everyday and practise it during free periods or when the teacher hasn't come for class.. i still bring it to school everyday though, but i don't touch it in class =X neither do i practise it at home everyday.. it's just something i do when i don't feel like doing homework n i'll practise choir scores to relax..

today was NAPFA 2.4km run.. did my self proud: 14.33min, which is a B! my fastest timing ever (for 2.4 dat is)! xD muhahaha.. i rock.. lols.. my timing for 1st round: 1.48min O.o hahas.. hmm maybe i shld say i did achieve something from all those running (though i meant it figuratively in the 1st paragraph?) right after PE was chem and we had chem test.. zzz.. damn scared.. cuz my right eye kept twitching halfway during the chem paper.. and i finished the paper in 20 min >< n i checked my paper 4 times x/ damn scared.. anybody remember what is question 4? because apparently there were a lot of different answers when we asked around in class and we forgot the question so we could not double check what the correct answer should be.. zzz.. damn sian.. shall make a blogskin soon? maybe not.. gotta study for bio n phy test!!! argh!!!! same day somemore.. sure die.. then we were saying we write bio stuff in phy paper and phy stuff in bio paper.. cuz we are tested onThe Eye for bio and Converging Lens for phy and both talks about refraction and reflection of light.. zzz.. gotta chiong for RV Term Assignment this year.. gpa sucked like shit this term.. hais.. i'm bored.. bb

missing you- 8:48 pm

YWednesday, March 26, 2008

damn pissed.. knnbccb! shut ur bloody mouth up lar! only noe how to kiu kiu kio, ca si lang! ka ki buay hiao yong dian nao, bat lang ga li dio mai ma lang, mai ma dian nao lar! gang lang hor bicycle zo diao, milo cia toh ar mm si yi sa la, ma yi zo si mi? li kee siao, go meng yi an zua bo ma hi kor lang? li siong dat eh xiang li an yi kuan eng arh, dat dit wan loh meh? kia dit hor li ma, jin buay song. li siao bo? wa ho ho gar li gong wei, li ma wa? li siong li si wa lao bu dio eh sai luan luan ma wa! wa gar li gong! li sio sim hor! wa oh ele an ni kuan, mai deng chu li kar eh zai! li siong wo kia li arh? wa ka li gong, wo gao zi zun go bo su ka li! wo cap siao li arh! dem pai li tak wa eh 笔记本，kua dio wa sia wo bo su ka li, li hao. li hao liao dio bo bian tio, hao wu yong meh? li siong li hao liao wa sim tia, ko lian li arh? mai gong lar! wo an zua an ni suay, wu li zi kuan eh lao bu? wa dem pai si mm si huan lo dio 玉皇大帝， zi zun hor wu li an ni kuan eh lao bu? li siong ba lu li ka ki siong li hor kooi huan dio arh? knn! li zi zun tak cek, wa ga li zo gong ko. li siao bo? see li tak degree ar see wa?! wa ka ki an ni zui gong ko, go ai ga li zo?! wa dao bu see ga li zo, li wu oh dio ming kia boh? li an ni kuan ko cek an zua ko ho seh? li siong li ko cek eh siee zun wa kia di li tao zeng ga li an zua zo arh? mai siao lar! li kua lar, li zo wa an ni ki, ah mah dio bo sa la dio hor wa mah.. ><

missing you- 9:15 pm

YMonday, March 24, 2008

i'm back!!! hahas.. got back côntrole 1 today!!! i was stunned when i saw my marks.. my eyes almost popped out.. ok.. it's not very good lar.. the last time i got A1 for french was when i was in sec 1? =X haha.. but i'm quite proud of myself!!! i got much higher than i expected.. i thought i would fail.. in the end i got 44.5/65 which is approx 68%? muhahaha.. i rock!!! lols.. hais.. but i could have gotten 69% though.. i changed one of my answers and it was originally correct. >.< ohwells.. D;

ooh! and italy choir are back!!! miss them loads <33 haha.. sry italy choir, apparently nobody wanna go 接机 wif me again.. zzz.. why are the rest so not enthu de? don't they miss you guys too? D; school seemed so empty without the italy choir..
T.T

hais.. ok.. so since i didn't 接机，i played audi wif my gor.. and i kena thrashed by my gor.. =X gor's pro lor.. so many perfect.. i noob, even though my level higher than his by 4 =X haha.. but we were playing normal individual, which i haven't been playing for quite long.. the last time i played it was when i was doing licence for my current level? >.< and yesterday, after remaining stagnant at that level, i could finally do licence! woots!!! lols.. and i failed it.. zzz.. even when i trained with gor, i failed it.. yes.. and i failed the marks by alot, like 100+k? =X super duper ashamed of myself.. and gor would have passed it if you don't see the score, that is.. =X must go train perfect!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

zzz.. i still wanna write something but i just can't remember.. zzz.. maybe i got dementia?? >.<

missing you- 8:00 pm

YWednesday, March 19, 2008

Sigh.. I'm a failure at eveything.. Yes, everything.. I failed to be a gd student and most importantly, i failed to be a gd sister.. *sighs*

Got back progress report today.. Guess what's my gpa, people.. My lowest ever.. i got every possible grade except A2 n F9 although i'm taking 9 subjects(because french not counted until EoY, A maths + E maths= 1 subject) so that means 1 subject to 1 grade.. A1=4, ... F9=0; find the average of the total points i scored people, and you will know how much i got.. xP So freaking lousy.. I just suck totally lar.. Like i said in my previous post, i should not even be in rv in the 1st place.. I don't know why I'm there.. I'm really afraid that they would make me go back to sec 3.. If i really have to be retained, I'd rather leave the school and go elsewhere.. even if it's some lousy school? hais.. gpa 3.0 ain't that easy to achieve.. only about 6 people in my class managed it. Oh ya, let me tell you a funny thing, people.. Mr Teo and Mr Liu contradicted each other..

Mr Teo: Charlene is able to understand the Physics concepts during the lessons but tends to be too nervous during assessment, resulting in getting unsatisfactory grades. She probably needs to revise her learning strategies in order to achieve higher grades.

Mr Liu: Charlene is a studious and hardworking girl who is gradually becoming more confident in class. She volunteers answers readily and has also developed good exam strategies which have helped her improve her grades so lols...

ok.. next, to my sister.. *sighs deeply* i really feel very helpless.. i wanna help her but i don't know how to help because she won't even tell me.. She rarely tells me.. Sometimes, i don't even know she's experiencing problems when i shld have known(by right).. everytime i come home, i see her sitting in front of the computer, playing audi, chatting msn messenger, blogging whereas i come home feeling deadbeat, eat, bathe, do homework, finish homework then go sleep le.. and i come home late everyday, not because i don't go home straight after school and go hang out with friends but because of my packed timetable.. if i can sleep at 11pm, very good le.. i hardly have the time to interact with her.. worst, I'd most probably understand her because 1) i'm around her age, no generation gap 2) i'm a girl as well, easier to communicate to. my mum and dad probably won't understand how she's feeling as well so i think she doesn't see the point of talking to them so i feel really bad and guilty cuz i'm nt doing anything to help her.. well, i actually share the same feelings as my sister.. I HATE HOME too!!! it's just that, well i don't say it out loud in front of them.. yes people, i'm not as obedient as most of you think.. you guys can call me a hypocrite, whatever. I don't care.. but it's meant to be a white lie? my sister is already causing enough problems for my parents and i don't wanna add on to their troubles and burden? If i did any of the stuffs my sister did, my parents would have felt that it was 世界末日。moreover, i have to maintain this image of being an "obedient and hardworking" girl at my mother's side.. and i'm supposed to "set a good example" for all my siblings and maternal cousins to emulate.. I'm serously very stressed. it's not easy to keep up this image.. my real self is struggling with this false angelic image and i don't know how long more i can withstand before i crumble.. ohwells..

P.S.: you'll know when i crumble.. because you won't see me anymore yea? bye

missing you- 8:41 pm

YThursday, March 13, 2008

i'm back!!! xD ytd's performance was sooooooooooooooooooo much btr than tue's.. though i think it's v sad to hv ms tham threatening to tender her resigniation b4 we cn do such a gd job x/ nvm.. shan't tok much abt dat.. quite proud of myself actually.. 4 e past 2 wks, my singing voice has been weird n i was v afraid dat my high A wld be v disgusting though i used to be able to reach it easily.. n i'm glad it didn't!!! xD It sounded so much btr.. n my delivery of the high A was oso alot smoother compared to tue's although i was quite happy wif tue's as well.. haha xP
sigh.. i miss veron alot.. so poor thing.. gt nose+throat+lung infection den in e end cnt performing, leaving me n germ to sing sop 1.. haha.. din mind actually.. i've been wanting to go back to sop 1 since 4 yrs ago but apparently, i drank milo n had lots of phlegm so i cldn't reach e higher notes x/ ohwells, back to veron.. hais.. she din even come watch us perform a;though she said she might on one of the 2 days.. which means she's rly sick? get well soon, yea?
to italy peeps: JY ok? Do our chorale, sch n nation proud!!! i've faith in u guys!!! U cn do it!!! xD
P.S: italy peeps, i c whether my dad allow me to 送机 anot.. xP

missing you- 7:38 am

YSunday, March 09, 2008

i'm back aft a long, long hiatus! haha.. too busy to blog anw.. nth much to blog oso? hais.. me n my sucky results.. doubt dat i cn promote to yr 5 nxt yr T.T ohwells.. i haven been doing well in rv all along lar.. i dun even noe y i'm in e sch in e 1st place.. i shld juz be in some neighbourhood sch.. i'm seriously v stressed.. 4 e whole of this term, i've been rushing lyk mad but i dunno wad i'm rushing twds.. i feel so.. i dunno.. lyk i'm rushing n rushing twds some endless goal? 1 dat has no end? i dunno.. seriously v stressed.. broke down many times this mth le.. ohwells, dunno y i'm taking triple science oso whn my sciences sux.. n my maths n chinese grades r dropping whn they r my best subj? oh gosh.. i've no idea wad's wrong wif me.. i'm feeling numb now, devoid of feelings.. i dun even feel anything except for this pain throbbing in my head.. my head is in a whirl.. i've no idea y i'm feeling this.. e last time i felt this way was whn i cried bcuz of a certain someone last yr.. but i haven been crying these past days.. maybe i hit my head n suffered a concussion w/o my knowing? sound crazy, do i? maybe i'm turning crazy? someone, pls send me to IMH to get me examined!!!
P.S: i'm absolutely serious abt this.. it's nt a joke!!!

missing you- 3:07 pm